Fading Illusions
by
lovelygirl
|
Beginning:
Nights of staring at the phone
Justifying how I feel
Wondering how I will survive
What will I do 10 years from now?
Who am I really?
Do I even know?
Dreams of more
Wanting to feel happy
Yet knowing it's not there
Where do I go from here?
As I learn to let go
I say to myself
Be strong don't look back
Justifying how I feel
Wondering how I will survive
What will I do 10 years from now?
Who am I really?
Do I even know?
Dreams of more
Wanting to feel happy
Yet knowing it's not there
Where do I go from here?
As I learn to let go
I say to myself
Be strong don't look back
Recent Comments:
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- ALIAS writes: ""wonderfully put and wonderfully expressed!!:D keep it up."
- Rosie13 writes: "-I greatly admire the emotion behind this; you describe a kind of hopelessness that isn't reserved for just the tragically desperate. Reaching out to your audience is crucial, especially in short works such as poetry. -However: the lack of form bothered me. Perhaps I'm just a stickler for tradition, but I tend to enjoy poems that have some kind of grammatical congruency to them. If you're not the rhyming type, perhaps you could try playing around with syllables. In any case, there does need to be some unifying technique used here. -Also, the theme was obvious: which can work in some cases, when abstract, but as for this work I believe it would benefit greatly with a much more subtle portrayal of your message. -Yes, you are conveying a particular emotion and state that most of us struggle through. And it is because we all know this feeling so well, that it is not necessary to be so explicit with your wording. -Basically, "show don't tell" [as is the Golden Rule with all effective pieces of literature]. -Otherwise: you have the passion, now make it work on paper!"
- cleos asp writes: "You have put into words what all of us feel at one time or another, and you have done it quite beautifully."
- xxxx writes: "I thought the structure was good but it's not a style of writing I'd usually go for, I prefer a more surreal style."
- X_Tragedy_X writes: "I really liked that. It explains a lot in a short poem. It could use better wording, but still good. I say that poems don't have to rhyme, they just have to have feelings. I think that your poem matches that."
- Kandy writes: "i could really relate to this poem...it was really good...keep writing! XOXO"
- Clever Wesley writes: "i thought this poem lacked some luster. it is good, but it could be better if the wording was a little bit more compelling to read. and as for Seurat...a poem doesn't have to rhyme to be a poem, and simply because YOU, Seurat don't see meaning in this poem doesn't mean it isn't there."
- Seurat writes: "AH! A perfect example of literary depravity! Why did you even call this a poem, eh, if you weren't going to have it rhyme, give it aesthetic, give it meaning, or at least create a unifying theme? What is the point of this piece of tripe-merely an expression of thine own primal fears and anxieties? There is nothing to this. It sounds as though thou art mimicing a like minded poet before you, who was probably thus inspired by an obscene pop artist who held a similar lack of conviction upon composing her piece. Listen, Madamemoiselle, poems require three things-a given form, a theme, and aesthetic. At times, the other two can compensate for a lack of the first, yet you cannot abandon all three as thou hast hither! Rewrite this, this time imagining an actual, concrete theme. Then write this whilst using the full powers of the English language to impress the reader. Form...I understand that this half witted generation is more inclined to free verse/line break poetry, but attempt, at least, to consider organizing the stanzas and verses so that they follow a given rule (Number of syllables per line, rhyme scheme, number of verses per stanza, etc). If you have a concern or grievance with my comment, then respond with your own, so that I may understand thy reasoning for this...product. (I cannot bring myself to refer to it as a poem)."
- darkvamp writes: "this was very good i liked it alot keep writing"
- Setsuna writes: "Well your poem grabbed my attention and I can really relate to it because sometimes I feel like that. Well to the point...awsome poem ^_^. Peace and Love, Setsuna"